How do I deal with the death of my Mom?

I haven't posted since last year because of all the changes going on. The worst was my Mom getting ill, breaking her shoulder when she fell, then after 2 botched surgeries she passed away. It's the kind of thing where you say, we should sue the surgeon and the company that made the replacement but we're not the suing kind. My brother is really mad but since he was in charge of taking care of Mom (she lived with him) I'm not going to go against his way of thinking. My Mom was the reason I always backed out of suicide. I just couldn't do that to her. Now I'll have to fight my depression even harder.

My husband has moved me into a new place but we're still keeping our house. This makes it a little easier but anyone who has anxiety and agoraphobic problems will know moving is really hard.

New is a hard concept for my anxiety. Even new clothes can set off panic. I know all you who love to shop will find that really weird. Often when I do buy anything new it hangs in the closet until I'm ready to wear it. I have a top I love I bought at the end of summer 2016 I still haven't worn only because it causes mild panic when I put it on. I think it's because it's light green with black butterflies. If it was the other way around I'd have no problem. I live in black and navy. If I wear white or ecru it's only because it's under black or navy. The dark clothing started because of the dogs jumping on me and staining my clothes but now it's more about what I'm most comfortable in.

 I was at Goodwill yesterday and my husband bought us a new painting. Right now it's under my computer desk because I can't deal with where to hang it. That means keeping it out of the way until I get used to seeing it. I really do like it. It's of nuthatch birds on flowering dogwood in muted tones.

I'm not sure when I'll post again. I need to find all the notes I made about things I wanted to post here. I also would like to get back to adding graphics. I just got my old xp computer up and running so I'm ready there at least. It took a while before I was willing to shut down the phone and internet at the house and move the computer here. I've had a problem finding a new virus software that works with winxp. I was using one that came with the old isp. We're using a different isp here so that made that virus software go bye-bye. At least this isp is faster even if their virus software won't work on my desktop.