I'm baaaaack - - - - -

Don't be scared, it's just me, Willow.

I know it's been years since my last post. Life really slammed me hard when my Mom died. I gave up writing and lost my funny. I just didn’t want to think so I read a lot and played online games way too much.

Eventually I got tired of games (a very huge surprise) and after being disappointed in 4 new books from 4 series I had been reading, I gave up books, too (a huge but sad surprise).

So what did I replace them with? Thanks for wondering! It’s embroidery! First I came across posts that linked to EGA while spending (wasting) time at Pinterest. I’m really not happy with Pin anymore. I keep setting it so videos don’t auto play but every time I come back to the site there they are, slowing everything down and playing stuff I have NO interest in. The site’s becoming crap.

Back to embroidery, BTW thanks for letting me have a small vent. Have to admit I lost interest in EGA since the monthly projects have been cross stitch and I’m SOOOOOOOOO over it like years ago when I was a kid. Now it’s a site called www.pintangle.com that's got my interest. There’s a weekly post with new stitches every Tue, though since it’s in Australia and I’m in the US east coast I get the post on Monday afternoon. It’s been fun learning new stitches and using them on an old crazy quilt I started when I belonged to the local quilt guild. I quit when I found I couldn’t fit in.

 

I’m not much of a joiner or friend maker. Guess it’s from having agoraphobia since I was a child. Plus the older I get the less patience I have for people who aren’t nice to others. I am, even when I don’t like someone. You know that ancient golden rule (bible) saying, “Treat Others Like You Want Others To Treat You”. It was one of my Mom’s favs. She really should have had it embroidered on something. So, anyway it’s kind of been the way I’ve always lived. It’s like karma, if you’re shitty then that’s what gets thrown back at you. I’m going to embroider some of these sayings, maybe I’ll share them online. I did find some pandemic type embroideries. Have a look at: www.heislerscreativestitchery. There’s a new one each month. If you’re religious then try www.elefantz. I’m not so much but I like her freebies, plus I can change the text ones. Another embroidery site I like is www.pinsandneedles.com.

I will admit I did find a new game called Lily’s Garden but only play it on my phone. If you’ve read any of my past posts you know how much I HATE phones but thanks to Mom I did get one. Though to be honest I mostly use it to play the game.

That’s enough for a first post. I'm working on finding my funny again. Stay safe, avoid crowds (like agoraphobics need to hear that),and WEAR a damn mask!

How do I deal with the death of my Mom?

I haven't posted since last year because of all the changes going on. The worst was my Mom getting ill, breaking her shoulder when she fell, then after 2 botched surgeries she passed away. It's the kind of thing where you say, we should sue the surgeon and the company that made the replacement but we're not the suing kind. My brother is really mad but since he was in charge of taking care of Mom (she lived with him) I'm not going to go against his way of thinking. My Mom was the reason I always backed out of suicide. I just couldn't do that to her. Now I'll have to fight my depression even harder.

My husband has moved me into a new place but we're still keeping our house. This makes it a little easier but anyone who has anxiety and agoraphobic problems will know moving is really hard.

New is a hard concept for my anxiety. Even new clothes can set off panic. I know all you who love to shop will find that really weird. Often when I do buy anything new it hangs in the closet until I'm ready to wear it. I have a top I love I bought at the end of summer 2016 I still haven't worn only because it causes mild panic when I put it on. I think it's because it's light green with black butterflies. If it was the other way around I'd have no problem. I live in black and navy. If I wear white or ecru it's only because it's under black or navy. The dark clothing started because of the dogs jumping on me and staining my clothes but now it's more about what I'm most comfortable in.

 I was at Goodwill yesterday and my husband bought us a new painting. Right now it's under my computer desk because I can't deal with where to hang it. That means keeping it out of the way until I get used to seeing it. I really do like it. It's of nuthatch birds on flowering dogwood in muted tones.

I'm not sure when I'll post again. I need to find all the notes I made about things I wanted to post here. I also would like to get back to adding graphics. I just got my old xp computer up and running so I'm ready there at least. It took a while before I was willing to shut down the phone and internet at the house and move the computer here. I've had a problem finding a new virus software that works with winxp. I was using one that came with the old isp. We're using a different isp here so that made that virus software go bye-bye. At least this isp is faster even if their virus software won't work on my desktop.

I'm still around....

 

Yeah, I'm still around it's just I'm not in the mood for writing. I'm fighting a hard battle with depression and it's been winning since my last post. I have so many notes of things I was planning on writing about but my brain just seems to freeze up when confronted with turning them into a post. I'm having the same problem with some book reveiws I promised to do. I loved the books but I just can't seem to put any words down.

My life is changing and I'm not really happy with what's going on so maybe that's what's blocking my writing muse. I have to realize it's happening whether I really want it to or not so I'm just going to have to accept it and deal so this quote is so me right now.