If you’ve seen my last 2 posts you know I was a fan of
Carrie Fisher and Debbie Reynolds. These were 2 very talented and funny women.
Of course I connected with Carrie because of our crazies. As for Debbie she was
someone my Mom loved to watch in old movies on TV with me when I was a kid. Her
passing made me realize I could lose my Mom, too. She’s fighting the flu right
now and with her COP breathing probs we’re all hoping she doesn’t come down
with pneumonia and end up in the hospital like she did 2 years ago.
So it’s not just the shock and sadness that Carrie and
Debbie’s passing brings, it’s the reminder of family and friends who are also
gone, and of those who are of an age that puts them closer to leaving for good.
I don’t have the biggest family and because of my years of agoraphobia the
cousins I was so close to up to my late teens (when I was housebound yet again)
just aren’t in my life much. That’s really a huge problem with being
agoraphobic, everyone moves on with their lives while you sit (lay?) around
feeling even more upset as family and friends leave you behind while they live
their lives. You know I have some male cousins I hadn’t seen since they were
little kids (I was a teen) and didn’t recognize them 10 years later when I saw
them during one of my less housebound times. It’s so weird and sad at the same
time.
I was so ready to do the suicide thing last summer and take
my chance on what would happen next but I’m now so glad I shook myself out of
the deep depression I was in. My Mom and I are as close as Carrie and Debbie
and if that tragedy could happen to them, it certainly could have happened to
us. It would have devastated the rest of the family so no more serious thoughts
of suicide. No matter how depressed I get I’ll work harder to stay more
present. Even if it takes playing games online and not doing much else until I
feel better. Guess writing will be on the back burner. I know we’re told
writing out your thoughts and feelings are good for you as a way to express it
all but I just can’t do that everyday. I get depressed putting how sad I feel
into words and it makes it all worse.
I have been hanging out daily at Facebook, not reading my
feed but playing Cookie Jam and The Panic Room. They’re my 2 favs right now. I
play a few others but not everyday. With all the game friends I’ve added I can
play Cookie Jam for hours without running out of lives. Once this is posted I’m
heading over there. Who knows maybe you’re one of my game friends! If I’m no good at making new friends around here I’ll take
online ones anyday.
