It’s a new year and we’re pretty much expected to make at
least one resolution. We all know most fail so why put ourselves through
something we know we’re pretty much guaranteed to bomb at? Cause it’s a
tradition and like celebrating holidays with family who drive us even more
crazy we do it.
Since I know I’m just going to give up, I‘m not making one.
This year instead of a ‘resolution’ I’m calling it “changing my eating habits
slooooowly”. I figure if I can give up one thing and it sticks I’ll move onto
another. Hopefully the side effect will be feeling better and losing weight.
That sounds doable to me but it’s going to be really hard
since the first thing I’m giving up is something I’m so addicted to. I’m trying
to cut out those sweet, sugary, yummy, and so bad for you ... peach rings!
They’re candy in case you don’t know what they are, not rings of peach fruit,
though I find those yummy, too. All the same, if they’re in heavy syrup they’re
probably almost as bad for you.
Once I realized that even doing a rationing thing wasn’t
working I needed to give myself an intervention. I was eating a large bag a
week plus if I was out anywhere I’d stop and buy a small one to eat in the car.
I mean YIKES! That’s way too much sugar for someone with anxiety and panic
attacks, right?
It all started because I can’t eat and go out, it’s an
anxiety reaction. My gut just can’t handle food on it if I’m nervous and
there’s a chance of panic. I’ve pretty much always had this problem. As a teen
I’d have dry toast if I had to have something on my tum (so embarrassing to
hear it grumble otherwise). I seldom wanted to eat out (I don’t at all now, but
that has to do with being lactose intolerant too) and going out in the evening
meant eating in the morning as early as I could stomach it (I’m not a morning
person and food in the morning just doesn’t work for me). I’d only have soda or
water the rest of the day. Yes, I did glom food when I got home. Pretty much
still do the same thing.
I started getting a little better in my early 20’s when I
actually had a job and before I had the next bout of agoraphobia that I just
can’t overcome. With the way I ate most people wanted to know what diet I was
on (I did look great) but how do you say ‘I’m on the I can’t eat much cause if
I get nervous there’s a chance I’ll throw up’ diet without having to explain I
wasn’t bulimic just really stressed without people thinking I was weirder than
they already did?
So anyway, when I’d go out I used to take gingerale and
lifesavers to cut stomach acid but switched over to water and whatever candy I
had on hand or appealed to me at the store. Since I’ve always loved gummy anything
I worked my way thru jelly bellies, Sunkist gems, gum drops, bears, worms, berries,
fruit slices, sharks (!), and the basic Swedish fish. Then I found the peach
rings and for some weird reason I loved them best. The DH doesn’t get it. He
thinks they are awful but then he’s addicted to chocolate and doesn’t like many
sugar type candies. I used eat a lot of chocolate till I became lactose
intolerant. With good dairy-free chocolate costing as much as 3 or more of the
large bags of my beloved rings I seldom splurge on it. You’d think I’ll just
trade peach rings for the expensive chocolate, huh? Chocolate won’t work for
settling my stomach.
I’m adding this cause I’m thinking you may be wondering why
eating sugar helps me cope. Well, it’s because since I don’t eat before I go
out the sugar helps keep headaches and body aches away. The water helps thin
out stomach acid from anxiety a lot better for me than any soda ever did though
I will buy iced tea to drink when I’m out shopping. It’s what I plan on using
to replace the candy. It should have enough sugar for a bit of energy and to
keep the aches away.
I’ll add it to my “must have with me just in case” tote bag.
I carry this tote whenever I go out ‘cause it holds stuff I’ll probably never
need but it makes me feel more prepared to deal with panic attacks. First in
goes what ever I’ll be drinking and up to now my peach rings (sob). I also have
to have lots of kleenix, a wet wash cloth, hand lotion, nail files, an extra
make-up kit, sun and reading glasses (in case what I’m wearing breaks), hat and
gloves appropriate for the weather, pens, pencils, a tablet, sometimes a book
if I’m worried I may get stuck somewhere, an extra sweater or even a coat if
I’m worried about how the weather is, and lastly I’ll carry other extra pieces
of clothing and shoes if I’m going somewhere I could get dirty or wet (or at
least think I will) It’s not like I’d do this for basic shopping trips but
there was that time I ended up in an icy puddle downtown after slipping off the
curb. I wished I had extra clothes then. I’m very attached to this tote bag.
I’d say even more than the reason for this post, the peach rings!
So you may be wondering why I’m giving up something that
does help me cope with my anxiety, it’s because they’re making me fat. Oh, it’s
not just them but I thought I’d start somewhere and since I’m not a big soda
drinker (seltzer yes, soda seldom) the candy was it. I’ll let you know how I’m
doing and whether the fruit flavored tea I’m using as a substitute has worked. BTW,
I started writing this at the beginning of the month and I broke down and
bought a small bag last weekend. At least I was able to walk past the bags that
I swear where calling to me yesterday when I was grocery shopping.
