In my last post I wrote about trying to give up peach ring
candy (doing a little better, yay!) and how I can’t eat when I know I’m going
out. I thought I’d post about how I deal with eating, or not, when I know I
have to go out. Then there’s just how much I eat when my anxiety level is lower
and I know I’m not going out. I eat a lot, way too much. I’ve heard it called
self-medicating with food. All I know is my weight keeps going up and my
anxiety about it is increasing, too. I’m short (only 5”1”) so I prefer my
weight to be at least under 120. I can handle 125 but I’m so far above that. I
know my eating is just one more thing that’s out of control.
Isn’t that what causes panic attacks for most of us, that
feeling of being out of control of our bodies and surroundings? That our bodies
are screwing with us instead of being on our side? All you hear anymore is love
yourself and your body no matter what size you are, stop the self-hate. I don’t think “they” know
about how those who deal with panic, anxiety, and depression feel about our
bodies. Really think about it, it’s not so much our bodies as that evil part of
the brain I call The Pinky Brain (go back and read early posts if you don’t get
it). It's our brain that seems to hate the rest of the body and loves to mess
us up so bad we end up over eating or not eating at all.
So what foods do you eat when you’re dealing with anxiety or
with having to go out? Like I’ve said I don’t eat when I’m going out. I will
have something when I’m on the way home. And yeah I know there’s that thought
in the back of head (damn evil Pink Brain) telling me, “what if you get stuck
in traffic, what if there’s an accident, what if the car breaks down, and on
and on...”. Well. I’ve gotten a bit better, thanks to the peach rings and iced
tea. Sometimes I’ll even have some plain potato chips. Oh I have to admit I
know they are too calorie laden but potatoes are my number one comfort food. The DH says it’s my Irish heritage, but whatever. I’ve always wanted them whether
I’m feeling good or bad. He says I should just eat dry toast like I did when I
was a kid. Hate to admit he’s right so don’t tell him, ok? But we all know that
when dealing with panic attacks you HAVE to do what feels right for you and if
it’s eating plain waffle chips from Aldis than that’s what I’m going to do.
As for the peach rings I’ve cut down to only having them
when I’m out. I keep them in my emergency tote I wrote about last time so NO
eating them here at home. Maybe some day I’ll be able to give them up but for
now I need them at least sometimes. Same with the chips, but I’m also working
on giving up poptarts. I hated them until I watched Gilmore Girls. Thank
goodness all the chocolate ones have milk in them or I’d never be able to do
it. But I have given up marshmallows in my hot chocolate coffee, so yay for
that!
A parting thought, why does our brain become the most evil
adversary in our lives and cause all this anxiety and depression? Can we ever
beat it and win or is the best we can hope for is a truce?
