Do you think there’s more than one we can choose to walk on
in our lives? I was explaining to the DH that I think there’s the path with the
nice cement sidewalk with pretty flowers growing along it, a few shady trees,
with birds singing and squirrels barking. That’s what squirrels do, they bark.
I love to go out when I see one in the yard and chatter at it while the
squirrel barks back at me, like hey any chance you got any nuts I can have? So
I go inside to get some peanuts in the shell I keep for them and toss a handful
near it. A few more barks and it’s a happy little squirrel so I leave it to yum
down. I used to have a tree right outside the window where I worked (I’m so sad
it had to be cut down :( after being hit with lightening) and a squirrel would
come on a branch near the window whenever it could hear me clacking away on the keyboard and bark away for
food. Not good for when you’re writing and now have to stop and go feed that insistent
little fur ball. It really kills the thought flow.
Back to the paths I was telling the DH about. There are
these 2 paths, first the really pleasant one and somewhat easy one. Yours maybe
a lot different than the one I described but say it’s whatever you think is
really nice like a sandy beach; or a pretty flower filled meadow; or a calm
stream where you’d need a boat or a large tube like water parks have; or a path
thru the woods, just don’t make it a dark one or you’ll be on the other path.
Then there’s the overgrown, jungle like one he tends to take
and always drags me along. It doesn’t matter that I’m bitching and trying to
pull him onto my nice calm path, he just keeps on with hacking away at all the
crap that comes along.
What I’m really trying to say is that I’ve learned to go with
the flow and try not to stress out over stuff like I used to. Wow, if you want
to see a really crazy path it would have been the one I was on in my early
teens when I was not only housebound with agoraphobia but fighting to be home
schooled. Did I ever tell you about the dr the school insisted I see that
decided the best way to cure a scared panicky child was to scare her more by
saying my parents would go to jail if I didn’t go to school? I spent days
hiding under my bed only coming out to run into the bathroom, then run back to
the bed. I can feel the emotions coming back as I write this. Now tell me who
was more crazy, me a 12 year old or this so called dr?
Back to how I learned how to go with the flow. It all
started with finding a book at a library book sale called ‘Don’t sweat the
small stuff ... and it’s all small stuff’ by Richard Carlson. I’ve owned it for
over 5 years and still haven’t read it all but what I have read helped me
realize that all I was doing was making myself sicker and if I really wanted to
change I had to let go of worrying over every tiny thing. You know it’s bad
when you find yourself stressing over what you’re wearing and there’s no one
around to see it. Or here’s a good one, when I was a child I didn’t think I
deserved Barbie or her friends because I didn’t live in as nice of a house as
in the commercials. Is it no wonder since I was always nervous and ended up
agoraphobic.
It doesn’t always work, there are some pretty big weeds that
show up on my path, and a rock or 2 (or a boulder) to trip me up. I’m
especially bad at getting over stuff that happens or something I’ve said that I
wish I hadn’t. I’ll run it over and over in my mind causing me to loose sleep.
We’ve all done that ...right...? I hope I’m not the only one.
So if you find a copy of the book I recommend chapter 10 ‘Learn
to Live in the Present Moment’. It’s only 2 small pages and it will speak to
all those who worry about what happened and what may happen.
Love to all, I'm off to watch more of RuPaul's Drag Race Allstars on Paramont+. I never thought I'd get addicted to any reality show but this one got me. I'm rooting for Ginger Minj!
