Depression and Games

What do you do when depression hits? Do you do anything to keep busy or do you prefer to stay in bed? Do you veg out watching TV? Do excessive cleaning or exercise? It’s odd isn’t it that for some people all they want to do is retreat by sleeping while others turn to TV, their computer, phone, or books to avoid having to think about how they feel. They’re too tired for anything but laying or sitting around. Then there are the others who need to be so busy they do weird things like scrub window blinds with a toothbrush (use an old one, you don’t want to use one that someone is using, unless you really dislike that person, but don’t blame me if they find out).

Yeah I’ve really done this, the cleaning part not the using someone’s toothbrush to be mean. In fact I’ve had my depression hit me all these ways and more. Lately though it’s been getting lost in books or my huge time waster but mind occupier, playing online games. I’m finding anxiety and depression drive me to play online games more and more. It doesn’t matter where I play either. I’ve spent time at HSN’s arcade, MSN’s games, Yahoo, Facebook, and even Dollar Tree’s games just to name a few places.

Now you know why I don’t post as often as I thought I would. I have plenty of things to write about but games like Cookie Jam seem like they call to me. I’ll think that I’ll only stay on until I lose all my lives (which is why I never sign up for friends to play with, it would only lead to asking for lives and wasting more time playing) but then I’ll hit some levels that are easy for me and the next thing I know is it’s been 3 hours and the dogs are giving me the stink eye about needing to go out and why are you looking at the stupid screen when you could be letting us in and out and giving us dog cookies.

A few nights ago I knew it was getting out of control when I realized I had played one level of Candy Saga for over 2 hours (I also scored over 17 million points but that’s beside the point of this). It was daylight when I began and now it was dark. The prob with this is that I had some clothes hanging outside that I hand washed earlier in the day. It was a weirdly warm sunny day for fall so I thought, Yay! I can hang them outside instead of letting them dry in the laundry room. Nothin’ like going out in the dark to take down laundry, bet the neighbors loved that.

So what to do this with addiction, cause that’s what it is. I’ve been seeing so many news/health stories about people who are addicted to their phones. I’d like to know how many of us are addicted to games. For me it helps with anxiety but I know with other people playing games increases their anxiety level. Guess it depends on the game and your personality. I’m not a competitive person and tend to play match 3 games. They can be good for drawing you in without causing a lot of stress unless you’re the type to stress over not being able to move to the next level. I kinda go with the flow of playing but after reading posts on Cookie Jam’s FB page I know there are a lot of people out there who are extreme about it.

Ok back to the question if what to do about my newest addiction ... I have no idea. I’ll think about it after I play a few levels of Cookie Jam, or maybe Candy Crush Saga, or Mahjong Dimensions, or something else...

If You Love Jenny ...

Ok, this is a really quick post. Yeah I know that seems wrong when it comes to me and my writing. I'm listening to a pod cast of Jenny Lawson on The League of Awkward Unicorns! It's really good so click on this link and listen while you're playing games online. Come on, admit it, I know you do it 'cause that's what I do, too.

Here's the link:
http://leagueofawkwardunicorns.com/episodes/episode-18-nobody-wants-bloodsports-in-their-home-with-jenny-lawson/

She's got a new book out, too. This one is for all of you who love to color. It's a great way to deal with anxiety. If you aren't a crafter try coloring to trick your mind into calming down ( if you have any mental problems you know it's always trying to trick you so get even with it). I'm not putting a link since I don't know if you shop at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, or local but go to her blog and find out more about it!
http://thebloggess.com

Just in case you didn't know I'm a big fan of hers and own her other books and will get this one too even though I don't color.

I'll get back to Alice quotes next post. I just had to share this :)

Blue Ain’t Just a Color...

I’m feeling blue... not the color blue, ‘cause then I’d be happy since it’s one of my fav colors. Maybe it’s more like sad or melancholy. Why you ask (you’re such a nice person I just know you’d wonder what’s wrong)?

It’s because I just read a book call ‘Voracious’ by Cara Nicoletti. Don’t get me wrong, the book is really good and I liked it a lot. It’s just that as I read my way thru the chapters about books she read as a child and the recipes they inspired it brought back memories of  how my parents were of the opinion that school was for learning how to read so why should they teach me. All that ended up doing was to teach me what it was to be embarrassed at a very early age and increase the panic attacks I had since I was a toddler. Yeah, I know that seems pretty early to say I was having severe panic but it’s true.

Once I did learn to read and had read every book in my classroom library (every class had their own shelves of books deemed correct for that grade) 3 or more times, my parents didn’t think to take me to the town library for more books to read. When I reached 2^nd grade the teacher decided to make getting a library card a homework assignment. I still remember my Dad taking me and having to lift me up because I was so short and the counter was so high. But the memory is bittersweet though ‘cause even though I now had something that I truly treasured I didn’t get to use it until much later.

I still can’t understand why these two people who read newspapers (sometimes 2 a day) and subscribed to a wide variety of magazines (usually 6-8) were so unsettled by the library they avoided it. I asked my Mom about it and got the impression it was the multitude of books and not knowing where to start. She also seemed to feel that she just wouldn’t fit in. For a fairly smart person with a great memory she has no confidence. As for Dad he always said the reading room where the newspapers and magazines were kept was too crowded. Truth is it usually was.

When I reached 7^th grade and was walking to town by myself I started going to the library, too. Soon I was calling for a ride home because the stack of books I checked out was so large. Dad and I developed a system of when he had errands around town, I’d go along to go the library and stay there till he came in and got me. To this day I love to go to any of the local libraries. Even after reading an e-book I’ll often look for the printed version at one of the libraries.

Whoa, I really got off track. Now the reason this book (Voracious) made me blue was because I never got to read some of the books she writes about as a kid. I tend to get very upset I never read Winnie the Pooh as a child. Think it’s really weird the school didn’t have it and it’s not in Cara’s book .  Anne of Green Gables and the Little House on the Prairies weren’t in the school library either and that’s really surprising too. Some of her favs I did read in school but it still makes me sad I missed so many good books back then.

One happy memory I do have was when my parents bought me Dr. Seuss books, the Bobbsey Twins (which only made me want a twin so much I made up one and called her Suzie. My parents thought this was hilarious), and a lot of others. But I’m still sad for all the ones I didn’t have as a child and reading them as an adult hasn’t helped this feeling go away.

I’m jealous of people like Cara who talk about going home as an adult to find their childhood books either still on shelves or packed away where they can get them. My Mom knowing that we were a bit better off than other family members was a big believer that when you out grew anything (clothes, toys, and books) you gave it away to someone who could use it. When I got married and she saw my husband still had many of his childhood books she apologized for giving mine away knowing I would have cherished them. It was nice but it didn’t fill the hole they left. I guess if I had a kid I would have bought all the books I loved and lots of new ones but I don’t so I didn’t.

I’m also jealous of kids whose parents read them to sleep. My Mom was more the “I’ll sing a song or we’ll recite nursery rhymes” type. She didn’t have the patience to read me to sleep. She knew a book would only keep me awake as I would want just one more chapter, then another, and another. Just like now when I’ll end up reading all night or until J. comes out and grumbles at me for still being up. This is why even though I love regular books my Nook comes in handy. With the light up screen I can read in the dark and if I hear him getting up I just put the nook face down and hope he thinks I fell asleep in the living room because I was too sick to come to bed (I have a lot of stomach distress). Crap, I’m an adult and I’m still acting like a kid with a flashlight under the covers. Wonder how old you have to be to stop feeling guilty about staying up reading when you should be in bed?

Just a few of my books. BTW, they're 2 deep on the shelves and there's more shelves with more books. Gotta stop going to library book sales.