The new Jenny Lawson Book

 I’m a HUGE fan of Jenny. Not one who would stalk her or anything but I do lurk over at her blog. I don’t post, I just read.

So back to her new book, when my birthday came around last month the DH bought it for me! He also got me a new pair of the cutest Silver Forest ladybug earring, too. He knows what I like, well at least after I talked about both for 2 months. I’m just glad he took the hint since he hates to shop.

Isn’t the cover great? That’s the kind of monster I’d have, too, one that keeps killing all my plants and flowers. I am a member of the brown-green thumb club. Give me a plant and in 6 months to a year I’ll either kill it or that monster will.

Inside the book you’ll find 36 (yes, 36!!) chapters. Some are so funny you’ll spit whatever you’re drinking. The book should come with a notice stating it’s dangerous to drink or eat while reading this book. Other chapters will make you so sad you’ll want to head over to Jenny’s blog to let her know you care. Go ahead, she needs to know how much we appreciate her sharing her life with us.

She often writes about her doctors and all the meds she takes. It makes me stressed for her just reading about how hard everything is for her. I avoid doctors and it drives the DH crazy. He goes on and on about it but my reasoning is if I go he’ll find something wrong that will require tests or worse a hospital stay and that’s just not something my anxiety riddled brain (who hates the rest of me) will let me do.

It’s all worth reading even if you don’t have any mental illnesses which I don’t think after the year of covid many can say they don’t have some problem. Remember FOGO (fear of going out)? How many of you will be experiencing agoraphobia having to go back to work?

 

My anger at mirrors

Today has been a rough day. It happens every summer now. When ever I pass a mirror and look into it I silently (ok, not always so silent) say “I hate you”, sometimes it’s more like “I HATE YOU!!!!!!!!!!). Do you have this same problem?

It comes from being over weight and other physical things I dislike sooooooo much about myself. You say go on a diet, and I answer thanks I already know that but since I self medicate my anxiety with food that doesn’t really work. I am trying. I’m back on the elliptical 25 - 30 minutes a day but controlling my eating has become really hard. There was a time I NEVER ate when I knew I was going out. I was so worried I’d barf or just feel sick since my anxiety tends to revolve around how my gut feels. But thanks to therapy I now can sometimes eat, not a lot when I’m going out and more on the way home. Then there’s the stress eating that comes with knowing I’ll be going out. It’s not good and I’m not sure how to get control of it. If I don't depression will set in and all I'll do is eat.

I guess I’ll get out all the diet books and have a look at some web sites (maybe 3 fat chicks again).

Another thing that will set off the hates is being short. Being only 5 foot sucks in a world of high shelves in stores. That’s on my mind ‘cause I’ll be heading out later to grocery shop.

Maybe I’ll start wearing dresses instead of long shorts and capris. Loose ones will hide some of the chunkiness but will they only make me look shorter.....hmmmmm

I just needed to vent so thanks for reading :)

Matty, FBI Most Wanted, my Dad, and Sean Penn

 You're probably wondering what all of this has in common. To you it must look a bit (ok more than a bit) crazy but here's what it's all about.

If you read my last post you already know about my lab, Matty, having a seizure. He had 2 more since then. One a week later and another 2 days after that. Actually it was the morning we finally got an appointment with the vet. Memorial weekend had them out of the office till Tue.

This is all so scary to us since we lost 2 other dogs to seizures. How and why is making us over stressed. The first was a lab who we noticed having very mild ones when he was a puppy. He would just suddenly stare off for a few minutes then come back like nothing had happened. Meds helped at first but they never were able to control them. I explained about my sweet girl, Penny, in the last post. Still makes be tearful.

Back to the vet. They took blood and found everything ok there but she did say his prostate was dropped and tender. She then said that can happen with age (he's 8). He's on meds now and so far (fingers and toes crossed) no more seizures.

Now for some weird info the DH found when he took the cocker pup to a weekend training session. BTW, leaving me with the zoo from Fri- Sun. That's 1 cat,  5 dogs, 8 chickens, 7 ducks, 11 rabbits and a flock of pigeons. Oh yes, after 3 days of morning to night walking dogs, feeding everybody, and cleaning up after them all I was ready to sell all the birds and rabbits on Craig's List.

But back to DH telling other people at the training sessions about Matty. Turned out 3 others have had this happen in the last 2 years!!!!!!!!  A vet did an autopsy on 1 dog and found a weed seed that had obviously gone up the nose and into the brain, There it caused the dog to have seizures. Wow! I mean WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Is this crazy or what. I need to find out the name of the weed. The DH says it grows all around. He always trains in various fields and woods here in PA and over in Ohio so if the seed thing is possible it may explain Penny's last days.

Now why FBI:Most Wanted? It's what I was watching when Matty had his first seizure and I was alone with him. Now I'm finding it hard to watch the show since it's causing me anxiety and yes we do pretty much anything to avoid anxiety, don't we? So ignoring the show while the DH watches will now be the norm for a while and no more repeats of Six Feet Under.

I have the same problem with Sean Penn because of my Dad. It's been years since he died of a massive heart attack so you'd think I could just move on but I haven't watched Saturday Night Live since that night. Sean Penn was hosting and I was still sorting my Dad's birthday card and gift (it was his birthday but we were visiting on Sunday since the DH worked and I wasn't driving at that time). Five minutes into the the opening monologue I got a call from my Mom that my Dad had (literally) dropped dead pulling down a window shade. I admire Mr. Penn but avoid watching anything with him in it. I'm sure he doesn't really mind since he seems to be a really nice caring guy.

See, this all brings back the years I was housebound with agoraphobia, too. I NEVER want that to happen again. Like most agoraphobics I don't deal well with change and losing someone is just too big of a change. It's so easy to slip back into not leaving the house isn't it?